at least i'm pretty sure i am...

Monday, January 3, 2011

Storm

I want you
the way a decaying typewriter
wants fingers telling a story of romance
after thirty years forgotten.

I want you
the way a pine sappling
wants summer's sweet smile
while it endures a foot of crisp snow.
I want you
the way a half-empty half-gallon of milk
wants to be poured into a glass beside a cookie
before it's past the date of expiration.

I don't think I need you.

Of course, the line
between desire and necessity
is finer than the line
between the sea and the sky.

And some days there's no line at all.

3 comments:

  1. great poem...i especially like the title...the horizon and the title work well together...this is worth a critique.... some of the word choices are worth reviewing to see if they move in the same direction.

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  2. Amazing, I wish I could even conceive words in my mind into phrases like that. I love the alliteration you used so often, and the familiar "pattern" in it. I especially love the last line, its so final but leaves the right impression.

    Some constructive criticism, i might just be over thinking this but i almost feel as is "sweet smile" it nothing far from the ordinary so maybe another word choice? Yet at the same time the simplicity gives a nice tones to it.

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  3. thanks guys! i'm definitely considering revising the beginning, but i like the ending.
    that's so sweet lindy! i agree about the "sweet smile" line.. i'll think about changing that. thanks for the critique!

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