the way a decaying typewriter
wants fingers telling a story of romance
after thirty years forgotten.
I want you
the way a pine sappling
wants summer's sweet smile
while it endures a foot of crisp snow.
the way a half-empty half-gallon of milk
wants to be poured into a glass beside a cookie
before it's past the date of expiration.
I don't think I need you.
Of course, the line
between desire and necessity
is finer than the line
between the sea and the sky.
And some days there's no line at all.
great poem...i especially like the title...the horizon and the title work well together...this is worth a critique.... some of the word choices are worth reviewing to see if they move in the same direction.
ReplyDeleteAmazing, I wish I could even conceive words in my mind into phrases like that. I love the alliteration you used so often, and the familiar "pattern" in it. I especially love the last line, its so final but leaves the right impression.
ReplyDeleteSome constructive criticism, i might just be over thinking this but i almost feel as is "sweet smile" it nothing far from the ordinary so maybe another word choice? Yet at the same time the simplicity gives a nice tones to it.
thanks guys! i'm definitely considering revising the beginning, but i like the ending.
ReplyDeletethat's so sweet lindy! i agree about the "sweet smile" line.. i'll think about changing that. thanks for the critique!